Top Five Lessons Learned From The Evil Dead ( SPOILERS SONZABITCHES)

#5
- Never date an Ashley. Male or female. He or she will definitely dismember you with a chainsaw. Ashley's in general are bad news. I've always thought this, but damn Ashley's are either cheating whores or generally crazed to the point of chainsaw massacre's.

#4
- Michigan State fans are pansy screamers.

#3
- Bruce Campbell has the worst hair in the history of ever, but as I've learned from watching years of B horror films: those with the worst hair live.

#2
- Never leave your house. Let alone take a road trip. This is a lesson learned from the careful viewing of horror films over many terror stricken years. If you're lucky, when leaving the house, you will return with at the very least a severed limb and a serial stalker, who will most likely brutally rape and murder you by the end of the night. So as a rule, build a zombie proof house like that lovely gentleman Mr. Promes and stay in it. Call PeaPod occasionally for previsions but keep your Smith and Wesson close by at all times.

#1
- Never fall in love with a woman. And never be a woman, if you can help it because you are easily possessed and naturally evil. Just so you know.